Thursday, 20 November 2014

Barriers to Communication


An Analysis of the Movie
“National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”

Part 1 of 2

This analysis is an exercise for you and your spouse to learn more about barriers to communication in marriage. It is based on the Chevy Chase movie, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.  Under each term is a quotation from the movie.  Underneath the quote is brief analysis.

Ignoring and Diverting

While driving out to get the Christmas tree, the Criswald’s are being tailgated by two ornery looking men.  The wife tells Chevy: “Slow down and let them pass…  He ignores her request, speeding up. 

She then says, “Clark, don’t provoke them.”  Chevy points out the passenger side of the car and says, “Hey kids, look, a deer.”  Everyone including his wife looks, diverting their attention away from the passing truck.  Chevy then gestures these ornery looking men.

Marriage Counselor Naples FL understands that ignoring and diverting minimizes your spouse’s concerns and sends the message that those concerns are unimportant to them.

Stating Opinion as Fact

The son asks, “Dad, didn’t they invent Christmas tree lots so people would have to drive all the way out to nowhere and waste their whole Saturday.”  Chevy responded, “They invented them Russ because people forgot how to have a fun, old-fashioned family Christmas and are satisfied with scrawny, dead, over-priced trees that have no special meaning.

Marriage Counselor Fort Myers FL knows that stating opinion as fact places undue importance on your statements and leaves your spouse in the position of having to prove you wrong. This creates an argumentative atmosphere.                   

Globalization

Wife tells Chevy that her parents (in addition to his) are also planning to come to their house for Christmas.  She expresses concern about how difficult it will be having everyone in the house at the same time.  She adds, “All they do is argue.”

Marriage Counselor Bonita Springs FL realize that globalization causes one spouse to shrink the other down to the size of his or her perceived transgressions. When a spouse thinks this way, he or she disregards all the good traits their partner possesses.
                                         
Logical Argument & Reassuring

Chevy responds to his wife’s concerns by being very objective about it and reassuring.  “Honey, they are family.  They are not strangers off the street….

“Christmas is about resolving differences and seeing through the petty problems of family life.”                            

Marriage Counselor Estero FL sees this as another way to minimize the concerns of your spouse. It also treats your spouse as if they are not understanding the situation properly.

Praising Evaluatively

Wife:  “It’s just I know how you build things up in your mind… You set standards that no family event can ever live up to” [i.e. in trying to do your best, it makes it impossible to do].                           
This is a way to manipulate your spouse to do things your way.  It can lead to anxiety and a loss in confidence in your spouse.



For help with your marriage, contact Dr. Ken Newberger at 239-689-4266 or read about his process for healing your relationship at www.MarriageCounselingAlt.com/couple.htm.   He will see you in his office in Southwest Florida or help you online via Skype.